Image by Vince Fleming

What are you afraid of me knowing about you?

I recently joined a coaching circle and a slight variation of the question above was used soon after our introductions. Posed and answered initially by the host it had a powerful impact. Within 10 minutes, our conversation had moved beyond the superficial to a much deeper level, trust was being built and rapport quickly established. It was an entirely appropriate question for the setting and the company.

Yet, I recognise that this question. might be a step too far in the early stages of relationships, be they business or social. It got me thinking about some of the other brilliant questions I have come across that have the potential to shift relationships to a new, deeper level. Here are a couple of alternatives that have scope to take the conversation deeper…

• What would I know about you if I knew you really well?

In removing the reference to “fear” this question is similar to the one above but provides the opportunity to share lesser known parts of someone without the sense that the sharing needs to be about something that we carry more negative emotions about.

• What would you be doing now, if it wasn’t this?

This question gives scope for the respondent to answer in the “here and now” - If I wasn’t meeting you, I would be going for a run/working on my new project/picking the kids up from school etc or by reflecting back to earlier times, those sliding door moments that might have taken life and work in a different direction.

• What would you love to accidentally overhear someone saying about you?

This is a great question to begin to understand values and self-perception. Not just a good one to take a conversation deeper, but one to reflect on personally too.

How would you respond if someone asked YOU these questions?